It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
