i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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