She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
