We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
