did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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