this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
