did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
