I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
