i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
