About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
