I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
