Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
