someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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