i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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