I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
