Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
