Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
