one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
