the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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