overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I pour the whiskey from now on
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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