I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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