I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
