I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
