Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
