with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
