I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
