i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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