So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
