life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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