ya dads aren't the best wingmen
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
