Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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