yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
