I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
