Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
