ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
