I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
