Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
