Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
