dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I understand Curling. That high.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
