and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
