Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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