Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
