They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
