grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
