our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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