he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
