She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
