I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
