At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why is there bacon in the couch?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
