i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize