He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
