I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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