Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
