I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
