She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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