My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
