my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
