Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize