Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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