Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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