Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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