we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
