I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
