just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
