Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
