i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
