Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
