I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
