you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
