...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
